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Loosen Your Grip on Control

Being in control looks really different to everyone.  Some of us may feel that we aren’t controlling at all and some of us know that we are.  Let’s take a closer look.

I am going to use myself for an example, (this is Tracey here).   I don’t really see myself as a controlling person.  However, when I challenged myself to take a closer look I began to see things a little bit differently.  I definitely try to control things but usually only in my mind.  I know that sounds weird but stay with me, I think I am on to something!  I want so very much for everything to go smoothly that I spend a lot of time planning how everything can go a certain way so that everyone around me is happy.  So, I will ask you, does this mean I am controlling?  I don’t usually act on the ways I would like to control things but I sure do waste a lot of time thinking about it.  I’m on the fence and not completely sure but I do know that I am going to let go a bit more by trusting my gut instinct rather than trying to control outcomes.  

Take a moment and ask yourself about your own levels of control.  The goal here is to consider what the impact on your children is.  Parenting is certainly complex and when you throw ADHD in there it may be a bit more complex even on a good day!  The levels of control your child needs may change day to day but the key is to follow their lead not your own agenda.  It might be easier to have control and skip the playdate because you aren’t sure if your child will be successful but there isn’t any learning happening there.  Ease back on control and empower your child with the skills necessary for success.  This might mean you control how long the playdate will be with a start and end time and you put boundaries on some activities they can do (especially if you know certain activities get your child too wound up and arguments always follow) but you don’t control the situation by avoiding it.  

We are challenging you to give this some reflection and to follow the lead of your child more often in determining the level of control that is needed by you.  We would love to hear from you so post a comment here, send us an email at info@navigatingadhd.com or join in the conversation on Facebook!

Mom's Choice, ADDA, CHADD, ACO

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